The Squip's Story
by TotallyRainbowSheep
Summary: It's Be More Chill...but from the Squip's point of view.
1. Chapter 1

The Squip had had a long journey. Hey, as fast as human body systems were the Squip knew they could have been faster with a few, _upgrades_. His client? Host? Work-in-progress? Was completely, and hopelessly pinning over a girl that was _way_ out of his reach.

[_Target Female: Inaccessible]_

His client, as the Squip had come to call him, cursed and writhed in pain as the Squip slowly began to materialize in front of him.

[_Calibration in Progress. Please excuse some mild discomfort.]_

[_Calibration complete. Access procedure initiated.]_

[_Discomfort level may increase]_

[_Accessing: Neural memory. Accessing: Muscle Memory. Access procedure: complete. Jeremy Heere…] _As the Squip retained information he winced more and more with every memory that flew towards him, specifically the more recent ones. [_Welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor….Your S.Q.U.I.P.]_

"You look like Keanu Reeves." Not exactly the reaction he was hoping for. He recovered quickly, searching for the information he said, smoothly:

[_My default mode. You can also set me for _**SEAN CONNERY **_**Jack Nicholson **__or _**Sexy Anime Female**] His voice went high at the end.

"Keanu's fine. Can everyone see you?" The Squip had to ignore the painful urge to roll his eyes. [_I exist only in your mind. All they see is you, having an animated conversation, with yourself. So don't do that. Just...think at me. Like..] _Squip struggled to find the words. [_Like your telepathic.] _

**Cool! Like in X-Men!?**

The Squip sighed internally, using Squip approved vernacular he spoke [_I can see this is going to be difficult. You want to be more chill] _

**You mean cool.**

_[I do not!] _He snapped, [_You see,human social activity is governed by rules and I have the processing capacity to understand those rules. And pass them on to you. Now, take your hands out of your pockets. Arch your back and..] _He used all of his search engines before continuing. [_puff out your chest, add some swagger to your gate, otherwise you'll look like a masturbator. Don't slouch, fix your posture, then we'll deal with the rest_]

Jeremy cut in. **But I am a masturbator- **[_We'll fix that. Also, your nerdiness is ugly] _**Nerd? I thought I was more, I don't know geek?** [_Your stammerings a problem too._] **Wh-wh-what? **[_You have no charm at all, your tics and fidgets are unrelenting. You need a new vibe._] The Squip got an alert telling him that Jeremy was going to put his hands back into his pockets. He then decided to test Jeremy. [_Buh.] _Not the smoothest or chillest thing he could have said, but it worked. **Wha? **[_Buh._] **Wha? **[_No._] **Aah. **[_Stop!_] Sheesh, this kid had problems, time to cut to the chase.

[_Everything about you is just terrible_] He spat. [_Everything about you makes me want to die_] **Jesus christ…**[_Now don't freak out or doubt me, I, and only I know what's best for you. If I assist you, you will.._] The Squip paused. [_BE MORE CHILL.] _As Jeremy started to slouch, the Squip looked through his programing to find a way to enforce his new rules he saw something call spinal stimulation, a way to interfere with pain signals,perfect.

"Owww!" **Did you just **_**shock me!?**_ [_Spinal stimulation,_] he explained, [_You were slouching. Now go buy a new shirt._] **What's wrong with my shirt? **[_Remember what I said? Don't doubt me, it's my job to color your aesthetic and make you seem less pitiful, now GO PICK OUT A SHIRT!_] Jeremy did as he asked and entered the store. Squip surveyed the store his expansive brain looked into the possible futures, Brooke. Eminem. Dead. Relationship. Halloween. Chloe. [_Pick that one._] **It has a picture of...Eminem. **[_If your so astute, what do you need me for?_] **I-just, do people still listen to Eminem anymore. **[_Irrelevant. My quantum structure enables me to envision possible futures. I envision a future in which you wear an Eminem T-shirt and things turn out well._] **But, what if someone quizzes me about his music? **Squip was getting tired of this.[_My database is infinite and instantaneous, Jeremy_] **How are you with math homework? **[_I'm a supercomputer, Jeremy. I'm made of math._] With a wave of his hand the Squip created some people in the mall to talk some sense into Jeremy. [_All the people at the mall think your a slob_]

"Such a slob." One lady said.

"He sucks." A man agreed. Time for the next move. [_Everything about you makes me wanna die! You suck, Jeremy!_]

"Slob."

"Terrible."

"Loser."

[_Everyone thinks you a nuisances, and _boy _can I see why. Now you try to pick out a shirt._] Jeremy walked over to the first shirt he saw and picked it up. The Squip fisabley slapped a hand onto his forehead (his own head not Jeremys!) [_Thats a girl's shirt. Put it back._] As Jeremy went to put the shirt back, the Squip saw him bump into two famillar girls. "Sorry!"

The Squip shocked Jeremy, who had gone back to slouching right after _apologizing_. "Owwww"

Searching Jeremys memory, it informed him that the shorter blond girl was Brooke Lohst and that the taller of the two, the brunette, was Chloe Valentine.

"...Jerry?" Chloe said.


	2. Chapter 2

"Jeremy…"

"You shop here?"

"Oh yeah, all the time-" Jeremy started in an attempt to save his skin. [_Never._] "Never, is what I meant to say…" The Squip surveyed the possible out comes. Brooke. Eminem. Dead. Relationship. Halloween. Chloe. _Perfect._ [_Greet the beta._] **The? Ooooh.**"Uh, hey Brooke" Jeremy grew a bit flustered while talking to the popular girl. [_You look sexy._] **I can't say that to a hot girl! **"Oww!" [_Don't smile. Stare intensely. Speak like you don't care about your own death._] "Lookn' pretty sexy, Brooke"

"Thanks," Brooke smiled back, and blushed a little bit. _Perfect._ Chloe sneered.

"Is that a girl's shirt?" She asked.

"No!" [_Yes._] Never lie when you could extend the truth. "Yes." [_Good, now repeat after me: I saw it in the window and I couldn't just pass by, 'cause I was dating this girl and she had a shirt just like this. It's still painful to think about her._] Jeremy, very obediantly repeated each word.

"So,"Chloe broke in, suspicious, "who is this mystery girl?"

"Oh, you've probably never heard of her…" After approximately 0.000345 seconds of memory digging, the Squip found the perfect girl. [_Madeline._]

"Madeline." Jeremy said, getting the message.

"WHat?!" Chloe screeched.

"She's french." Jeremy said, trying to explain, for the sake of his life.

"Oh, she is NOT french. She just pretends to be! For attention." Chloe threw her hands up in exasperation, while having a crazed expression on her face.

"Madeline broke up with you?" Brooke asked.

"Yeah.." [_No._] "I mean I broke up with her!" ['_Cause she was cheating on me._] "Cause she was CHeaTing on meeeeeee." Jeremy blushed immediately after the voice crack. [_Hey, Hamlet, BE MORE CHILL_]

"Brooke! What did I tell you? She is such a slut!" Brooke walked over to Jeremy and patted him reassuringly.

"You are so much better without her, Jeremy."

"Obviously!" Chloe agreed. "I mean who does Madeline think she is? **What just happened? **[_A shared negative opinion is the fastest social bond. You want someone to like you then hate who they hate_] A red light appeared on the Squips screen. Michael. Left. Brooke. Ride. Pinkberry. Relationship. The Squip opened his access to the mall's security cameras to double check that, indeed, Michael had left.

"Ugh, Brooke, let's get out of here." [_Brooke is going to offer you a ride. It is imperative that you accept_]

"So," Brooke waggled her eyebrows, "do you want to ride?" The Squip leaned into Jeremy and whispered into his ear [_Yes._]

"Yes! Buuut I have to meet my friend Michael." Once again, the Squip found himself slapping his forehead because of Jeremys stupidity. [_Jeremy, if this is going to work, you need to do as I instruct._]

"Oh...Are you sure though?" Brooke looked upset. "Do you wanna ride, wanna go far?" Jeremy backed away. "Do you wanna get inside my mother's car?" She purred inching closer to him. "We'll just drive home. Only one catch," she lifted a finger. "We gotta stop for frozen yogurt first."

"Do you wanna ride?" Chloe asked. "Wanna go far? Do you want to get inside her mother's car? We'll be back in a snatch? We'll even stop for frozen yogurt first!"

"Pinkberry!" Brooke cheered.

"I-uh" Jeremy seemed uncertain of what to do. "I...Next time, I promise."

Chloe walked past him and flipped her hair. "Whatever."

Brooke looked at Jeremy, deep regret in her eyes. "My boyfriend cheated on me too. Well, ex-boyfriend. So, uh, I know how you feel."

Chloe rolled her eyes, "Brooke, come on."

Giggling Brooke said "Au revoir" and left with the waiting Chloe.


	3. Chapter 3

IMPORTANT! READ! EXTRA! EXTRA!

soooo hi. if you've been reading this story good for you if not, okay. Here's the thing. I know I've been pretty absent lately (cough four months cough) but I promise you that this story is not a new chapter will be put up in maybe a week? Hopefully? I promise that I am working on it right now and I swear that I will try to get it up in time. If not I'm really really really sorry about the abstinence. But thank you to all of you who are now following me and enjoy my writing it means a whole lot to me. Until next monday have an excellent week!

Peace out! TRS


	4. Chapter 4

Did you see-That was awesome! I have to go find Michael! [Michael has left the mall.] H-how do you know? [I have access to the mall's security cameras.] he replied smugly. Then how am I supposed to get home? [I told you accepting a ride imperative. If this going to work, you can't just listen. You have to obey. Now repeat after me. Everything about you is so terrible]

"Everything about me is so terrible" [Good] They had left the store and were sitting at a sticky table near the fountain.[Everything about you makes me want to die.] "Everything about me makes me wanna die." [Now you've got it! But Jeremy, don't you see? That if you listen to me then everything about you will be wonderful] The people in the mall turned and spoke.

"Oh my gosh, he is so cool!"

"I love everything about him!" [You will be so alive] The Squip was getting into this now.

"I could never live without him!" The woman from earlier gushed. [You won't be left out or unsure, not even ugly! Because everything about you is going to be cool, powerful, popular, incredible…] The Squip put all of the things that Jeremy wanted to be and gave them to him with a wave of his hand. [You will…..BE MORE CHILL]

"Be more cHiLL!" Jeremy repeated, his voice once again cracking. [Be more chill.] The Squip said, in a smoother and chiller tone.

They arrived at Jeremy's house, just as he was getting sleepy.

"Be more chill…" He said. "I'm gonna…..be…..more….chill" and with that he fell asleep. [Sleep well, slugger.] The Squip said getting into a father/son kind of voice. [You have a big day tomorrow]

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

In the morning, the Squip stayed silent inside of Jeremy's head, looking through memories, getting as much information and dirt on everyone as he could. Hello? Are you on? Helloooooo? The Squip, knowing what Jeremy was thinking, kept looking through the mess that was Jeremy's head.

"Jeremy? Are you talking to yourself?" Jeremy had talked to his Squip, once again, out loud. The Squip thought that he was going to hit someone.

"I….guess I am." And after a pause, "huh." Jeremy then reached for his computer while at the same time the Squip was overwhelmed with R rated images. "C-c-come on, c-c-c-come on, go! Owwwwww" [What did we say about masturbation?] I was just going to..Jeremy was desperate for an excuse, check my email. The Squip sighed. [You can't lie to me, Jeremy. I'm inside of your brain. We're going to devise a system. I tally everytime you think about sex, and that's how many push-ups you do. If this morning is an indicative sample, you'll have pecs in no time.] The Squip had begun pacing in front of Jeremy just as his dad walked in.

"Coming through, privet." The Squip sneered after looking him up and down. [That's the source of your genetic material?] That's my dad, yeah (The Squip knew this of course, but he wasn't about to say anything). [We should double those push-ups]

After Jeremy dressed as the Squip instructed, a new t-shirt, jeans and a sweatshirt he hadn't worn since ninth grade, he got on the bus and thought to himself: I may not be the cool guy, but now that I've got someone helping me out I might be the one who the story's about. After getting off of the bus Jeremy went to his locker where, once again, Jenna, Chloe, and Brooke were gossiping. This time though they just waved and moved out of the way without him asking. Walking down the hall he bumped into Rich Goranski, the guy who recommended a S.Q.U.I.P. to Jeremy and who has a S.Q.U.I.P. himself. The Squip, of course was not paying any attention to this as he had already done plenty of research on all of them.

"Yo! Tall-ass! Where's my money?" Oh, he also demanded six hundred dollars out of Jeremy for a S.Q.U.I.P. Crap! What do I tell him? Something jolted inside of the Squip, something programed. [ Up. Up. Down. Down. Left. Right. A.] Rich froze for a second, then:

"You got one?" He became a whole new person.

"Yeah. Sorry, I meant to go through you but-" Jeremy seemed to realize who he was talking to, "please don't hit me!"

"Jeremy! This is awesome! I mean I coulda used the money. Things are kinda rough at home, if you know what I'm sayin'..." He lowered his voice at the end. Time for the Squip to take control.

"Yeah. My… Dad...drinks...too?" Jeremy was confused. Completely, utterly confused. Rich grinned.

"Yo, fuckin dad's am I right? He usually passes out around nine, you should come over, play Xbox. You know.." Rich's grinned grew bigger as his voice went lower. "With a S.Q.U.I.P., the only controller you need..is your mind." He clapped Jeremy on his back then went over to talk to Jake. What was that about? [I synced with his S.Q.U.I.P. Now his desires are compatible with your own] And that makes him act like we're friends? [What is friendship, but a bond between two people? Now you and Rich have a bond. It's just digital Now] the Squip paused for dramatic effect. [get ready to more than survive] More than survive? All and all a not to heinous day, I walk the halls with swagger. His lingo is getting better you notice. I feel high on life. [And now it's time for practice.] Then he added, after a moment's hesitation. [With Christine.]

**Yes I know I said that I would update. Yes I am a terrible person. And Yes I will actually update on time this week. :) If you are still reading this though, I love you guys! You're all awesome! TRS**


End file.
